I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
