so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
