We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
