Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
