How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
