I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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