if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
