discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
