Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
