..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can I color on your dick again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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