i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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