he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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