Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
