I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
vagina is talking i cant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
