i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
