just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize