there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
