He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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