Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
