coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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