I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
