We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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