i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My breasts were aching with rage.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize