She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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