Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
