You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
