TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
