you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize