So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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