Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
