it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize