just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
