this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
