Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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