I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
