I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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