If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
