I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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