She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
