Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
