she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They took my balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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