Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize