At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
