i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
