she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
