she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
