I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
