When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
