I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
