why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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