i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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