oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had sex on a dog bed..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
