Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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