Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
