We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
