I wish I could teleport
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
