I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm like, not good at living.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
