There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
