I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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