Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
