Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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