I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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