I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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