I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
