the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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