Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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