Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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