i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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