Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
