hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
