I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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