my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
