adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
