I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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