he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
