awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
