He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
