Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
