fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
