hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
