My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
smell my finger.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
