i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
