I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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