I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
