are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
