You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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