just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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