it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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