i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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