Sry I called you an 8
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
