New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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