Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
