Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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