Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
someone owes me an orgasm
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
