so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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