you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
