I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
